i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
