Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
