OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
