i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it's like heaven, but drunker
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
