The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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