Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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