Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
