i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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