I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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