lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
