Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize