Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
