never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
