i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have tasted many bathrooms
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