remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
