I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
