Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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