why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
