I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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