So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
