When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
