i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
