I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
