Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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