I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
