Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
