I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i will never coherently bang her
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
