Kareoke will never be a sober sport
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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