We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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