Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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