All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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