your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
