Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
