i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
