Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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