i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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