My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
