I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
