So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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