Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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