not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
