good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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