You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
