She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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