Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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