guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
