I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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