You're so nebulous sometimes
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
