I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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