Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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