My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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