Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
