Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
