I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
