She's JV to your varsity
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
