he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I didn't shave. On purpose
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
