found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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