dude i'm inner monologue high
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I will be naked everywhere
My day in three words: secret purse cake
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
