ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
