but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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