he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize