if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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