Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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