just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
