they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize