hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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