i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
