Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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