Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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