So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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