the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
birth control should be required to get into college
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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