Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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